I generally keep my political discussion to the size of something that I can fit on Facebook. Why? Because, really, that’s how much I care about politics. I really could give a single shit much less two shits about it most of the time. Yes, I will admit that I love to post memes here and there. I indulge in fun, and occasionally you’ll even catch me forward something serious from a personal favorite politician but generally, I stay out of it.
But today, today I’m cranky about something, and it’s not ALL political. It’s something I’ve been watching that’s been building up in the back of my brain for some time. It’s something that really needs to be discussed and thought about by every single person out there. It’s mainly directed at women, but men can benefit also.
In our society today we’ve become prone to “judging” everything that everyone and anyone else does. While it’s human nature to “judge” others, the reason we do this is to see if things can be improved upon. Unfortunately, our society has taken this to the level of using judgments to make themselves look good. It’s all about “I’m better than Jane because….”. It’s not about improving our own selves in any way. It’s all about “status”. That’s really sad.
Mary thinks she’s better than Jane. Why? Jane doesn’t breastfeed her children. She bottle feeds. Bottlefeeding is wrong. Jane is a Trump supporter. Jane didn’t march for women’s rights. Jane is “a disgrace to women” because she didn’t go out and stand up for women’s rights against Donald Trump. Jane should be crucified and made to feel bad because Jane is a bad person. Mary says these things because she’s worried that something Jane is doing might be the “right” thing and might make her look bad. So she needs to make Jane feel bad about what she does to make herself feel good.
On the other side is Jane. Jane thinks Mary is a “whiny bitch”. Mary is one of those crazy Clinton supporters. Mary went and marched for women’s rights when she lives in a country where she has rights already. Mary lives in a lovely house, ate a full breakfast and then went out and protested because she feels “unheard”. Jane thinks Mary should keep her “whining” to herself because there are far worse things being done to women in other countries where there are no women’s rights. Jane thinks there are worse things in the world than a woman in America who has rights that feels her voice is “marginalized”. Jane also thinks Mary is a breastfeeding nazi. She thinks she’s weird because she is an “attachment parenting nutcase.” She doesn’t vaccinate her children on the proper schedule or sometimes not at all. Mary needs a “wake up call” because she’s a crunchy hippy lunatic and needs to get with the program. Just like Mary, Jane says these things because she is too worried that something Mary is doing is the “right” thing and is going to make her look bad.
You know what? How about just cut the crap? Is it human nature to judge other people’s behavior? Absolutely. But why does everyone have to keep attacking each other? Our nation is the most divided it’s ever been. Do you know why? Because we’re all at each other’s throats for our own PERSONAL choices. Why do you need to make everyone else believe as you do? WHY? Why does the person next door to you need to be exactly the same as you? Can’t we all support each other without belittling and denigrating each other?
That mom who is bottle feeding her baby? She is a MOM. Maybe she’s a new mom and she didn’t have anyone to help her breastfeed. Or MAYBE she MADE the choice to bottle feed because she needs the convenience. Or MAYBE she’s a single mother who has to work and her child has to go to day care. Or MAYBE, she just wanted to because, well, because. Her child will not DIE from lack of breastmilk. She’s making the best choice she can for her and her family/child. Period.
That “crunchy hippy lunatic” mother? She is also a MOM. Maybe she didn’t have any maternal guidance or love as a child and is now compensating for that with her own children. Maybe that makes her feel better and helps heal her wounded psyche. Or MAYBE, she made this CHOICE because her family is on a budget and breastfeeding her baby is free and it helps her family financially to do so. MAYBE, she just wanted to because, well, because. Maybe IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY! Oh wait, that’s right, IT DOESN’T! Again, she’s making the best choice for HER and HER FAMILY/CHILDREN. PERIOD.
And don’t even get me started on choices about sexual preference, religion or lack thereof, choice of “diet”, education, etc etc. There’s just too much of it to cover. I picked the main things I could think of and left the rest to your imagination.
I see so many of you talking about how the women who didn’t march out of choice are a “disgrace to women”. I didn’t march. I CHOSE to stay home because I had school work to do. A good many of my friends made a choice to stay home because they do not feel the need to protest. They do not feel that their voice is marginalized or that they’re choices as women have changed because of who is president. Does that make us any less of a woman? No. It doesn’t make you any more of a woman because you chose to march. Now let me get this straight, I FULLY SUPPORT anyone who wants to protest. I do. I’m all for that shit and in my younger years before I became chronically ill, I might have been right out there with you. OR maybe I wouldn’t because I didn’t agree with whatever you were protesting, BUT that’s MY DECISION to make. However, whether I agree or disagree with whatever you happen to be protesting doesn’t mean I would spend my day belittling you for doing it. I support you in whatever makes YOU happy.
If standing in the cold in Washington, D.C., holding a sign and protesting while makes you happy… WELL THEN, I’M ALL FOR IT!
If sitting at home watching football or HGTV or whatever you do on a regular old Saturday makes you happy… WELL THEN, I’M ALL FOR IT!
I spent my afternoon writing out an assignment for my nutrition class. Did it make me happy? Um, well, I won’t fail nutrition class, and I won’t have to pay for a class I failed, so yeah, it made me happy I suppose.
This goes for celebrities too. I see women who are out there cheering and protesting for women’s rights attacking people in the spotlight for a multitude of things. They aren’t marching. They don’t breastfeed. They DO breastfeed and/or GASP they breastfeed in PUBLIC! They show their bare ass. They didn’t dot their i’s with hearts as a teenager. They wore the wrong outfit at the wrong time. They chose a profession most woman wouldn’t even dream of. They live with and tolerate a narcissistic abusive husband.
If you’re marching for women’s rights and you are cutting down someone because of their own personal decisions what does that make you? It makes you a hypocrite. A woman’s right to choose includes, and is not limited to, personal career decisions, who she marries, how she parents her children, what clothes she wears or doesn’t wear, who she sleeps with, how much cleavage she shows or doesn’t show, if she wants to be a “slut” or not, and a whole slew of other personal decisions that aren’t your business. If you’re crusading for women’s rights to their own bodies, health care coverage, birth control choices, but you’re trying to take away a woman’s right to make other decisions by attacking, denigrating and belittling those choices, you my friend are a BIG FAT HYPOCRITE.
The same thing goes for those of you who are denigrating those who are marching and feel they are fighting for women’s rights. If you aren’t marching and you’re not fighting the fight, shut your mouth. You don’t have the right to say that you, as a woman, have rights but others can’t exercise those same rights by denigrating them for doing so. If you don’t like something you have the right to fight for it or not fight for it. You don’t get to tell others they do not have that right because they’re “privileged” and there are worse things in the world. So STOP. Just stop! If you find these “worse things” in the world appalling enough to discuss and try to shame another woman with then GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM. Go protest and march for those women who are being raped and left for dead. Go protest and fight for those women who’s genitals are mutilated with ritual female circumcision. Go and fight for those women who don’t have the privileges you enjoy or don’t even discuss them. Bringing these atrocities up in casual conversation to shame other women who are protesting because they believe their rights are being violated makes you what? Oh yeah, a BIG FAT HYPOCRITE! You yell for other women’s rights and how people should care about those “other atrocities” but you do NOTHING about it because they’re only a convenient way of shaming someone else. You’re using someone else’s pain and suffering to yet another person feel bad with NO intention of really caring about it. That my friend also makes you a BIG FAT HYPOCRITE. So just STOP.
The thing is, we don’t have to put each other down. We don’t. We can very politely support each other even when we don’t agree. Why does being a woman have to be a competition? Why do we have to tear other women down so we can build ourselves up? Why can’t we just say “Well, I don’t agree with you on that.” and look to see if we have something else in common so we can be friends or see that we have nothing in common and just go our separate ways? Just because someone doesn’t share all of your beliefs doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with that person. I have a good many friends who don’t share all of my beliefs. My friends are breastfeeding moms, bottle feeding moms, republicans, democrats, libertarians, “crunchy hippy moms”, mainstream moms, catholic moms, baptist moms, pagan moms, and everything in, around and in between all of these things. Some of them aren’t even moms!
I know, GASP! I’m a mom, and I have friends that don’t have children! GASP! The HORROR! Oh and I even have friends that are MEN, who don’t work on my car, are NOT gay and have wives that aren’t me! I KNOW! EVEN WORSE!
My point is when you support others instead of judging them you open up a whole world of possibilities that you may otherwise miss. That weird breastfeeding crunchy mom might make the best-damned wine you’ve ever gotten drunk on or at the very least have an in on where to get some. That “whiny” protesting woman might be the best person to call when you’ve had a bad day because she can make you laugh like no one else. That Trump supporting mom might be the sweetest most loving person you’ll ever meet. That Hillary supporter might be the one who is always there for you in your time of need without fail. That non-mechanic man might be the best person to watch a sappy movie with. You NEVER KNOW. So please, just stop belittling others for their choices, whether they be political, parental, sexual, animal, vegetable, mineral, whatever and worry about your own life and making your own self happy. Stop worrying about the Janes and Marys of the world and just do YOU.
As my sweet man always tells me “The more you like, the more you can like.” In other words, the more you open yourself up to liking something IN SPITE of not liking every single thing about it, the more you may be able to find that you do like. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Positivity breeds positivity. Negativity breeds negativity. If you’re unhappy, more unhappiness finds you. If you’re happy, more happiness finds you. The ONLY PERSON who can make you happy is yourself, and you can’t do that if you are busy denigrating other people.
**Note that I did not fill this with any comments about my own personal choices other than staying home to do homework. I didn’t say I would have marched or would not have marched. I didn’t say who I support politically and I didn’t say make any indication of the kind to any parental, sexual or political choice that I choose to make for my own life. This isn’t about those things. This is about women supporting all other women instead of trying to tear them down!